Today I am excited to announce the winner of the first annual Wandering Sasquatch Most Worldly Creature In The World Competition:
You see, Pigeon is truly a citizen of the world. Pigeon can (and will) be found everywhere you go. No matter what the country, continent, or climate, you can rely on the calming “whooo-hooo” of Pigeon to be your trusty travel companion.
What makes Pigeon the most worldly creature in the world, you ask? Well, Pigeon cares not about the color of your skin, nor the language that you speak. Pigeon only cares about the filth you create, thriving in your cities and living off your waste.
Pigeon possesses a truly world-class palate. No matter the style of food – American, French, Chinese, Peruvian – Pigeon has an appetite for it all. Please do not be offended if Pigeon only pecks at the cuisine in your home country, it is not that Pigeon does not enjoy your food, nor is he not hungry (I have never met a food-satiated Pigeon), but the poor Pigeon has no other way to eat aside from pecking. I rather pity Pigeon at times: an entire world of food, all of which it enjoys, and only able to taste it through a tiny beak, one peck at a time. The gods can be cruel.
The final reason Pigeon is the Most Worldly Creature In The World is its noticeable lack of modesty. It cares not about location or if anyone is around, Pigeon will defecate anywhere. Public squares and plazas, eves of buildings, or even on your shoulder, the willingness of Pigeon to always answer nature when it calls is truly a breath of fresh air in our all too buttoned up world of ties, penny loafers, and pants (all of which may be a recipient of nature’s call to Pigeon).
Yes, Pigeon is truly a citizen of the world and a well deserving recipient of the Wandering Sasquatch first (and probably only) annual Most Worldly Creature In The World Award.
Runners up for the Most Worldly Creature In The World Award:
Dog gave Pigeon a run (or flight) for its money in the crowning of the Most Worldly Creature In The World competition. Nearly all of the attributes that make the Pigeon the most worldly creature in the world can be said about Dog. Nearly all. The reason why Pigeon won over Dog? A street Dog once refused pizza given to it by yours truly. Now, since the quality of the pizza can not be questioned (I was eating it after all, and no one has ever questioned the quality of food I consume), it must be that Dog has a more sophisticated palate than the Pigeon, selecting only the choicest moldy bread and dirty diapers to eat.
Yes, another avian creature made it to the final consideration. It is true that Chicken is found all over the world, and is also eaten by Human all over the world (which was heavily weighted in the final scoring), the eating habits of Chicken set it apart from Pigeon, just like Dog. I ask you, when was the last time you saw Pigeon resorting to scratching around in the dirt for food?
Goat might be the only animal to trump Pigeon in eating habits. In addition to eating all worldly cuisines, Goat will eat such non-cuisine items as tin cans and plastic wrappers. A Goat appetite is truly a wonder to behold. Alas, Goat’s mimicry of Human (in bad haircuts and yelling) is just a cheap form of flattery, and caused this Human to relegate goat to “honorable mention.”
Least Worldly Creature In The World?
Are there any creatures I failed to include in the Most Worldly Creature in the World competition? If so, please let me know below.