I know all of my loyal readers (I like to think of y’all as my Sasquatchians) have had one and only one question burning in their mind for the past few weeks: How is the Yeti hunt going? (Don’t deny it – I know you have been losing sleep, wondering when I will make the big announcement that I found the hairy beast.) Don’t worry, ever since the North Koreans found the fabled
unicorn cow-deer-dragon beast layer, I have been extra motivated. I’ll be damned if I let the commies beat me to the punch on mythical creature discoveries. But I digress…
Unfortunately I can’t make my announcement yet(i), but never fear, I am hot on the trail. I have recently found that the Yeti is one entrepreneurial SOB, opening businesses all across Nepal. I have been visiting all of the Yeti-owned establishments that I can find, studying his business practices to gain an insight into their complex behavior.
Below I have compiled a one-day, step-by-step recap of businesses I studied in my one-man search for the Yeti:
We flew in on Yeti airlines. For such a big fellow, the Yeti is a really good pilot (he even speaks English over the intercom!) I had to settle on a picture from the sales office, as they wouldn’t let me take a picture of the plane. (They claim it was for ‘security reasons,’ but I am pretty sure that the Yeti pilot didn’t want his picture taken because aviator sunglasses and pilot hats don’t go too well with the matted-hair-all-over-your-body look.)
After our flight we were hungry, so we found the Yeti cafe for breakfast. I thought the food was good – the mountain omelette was delicious, but Kim found some suspicious looking hairs in her porridge.
After breakfast, the first thing we needed to do was find a place to stay so I could rest up for the rest of my hunt. Where did we stay? The Yeti guesthouse, of course. The beds were nice (and big!), but the complimentary shower shoes were way too big, at least a size 22.
We tried out the television, but found the reception horrible. I ventured outside to see what the problem was, and quickly found it: the previous antenna repair Yeti was dead, stuffed, and propped up in the antenna. I guess the big man doesn’t like television.
I knew people would think this evidence would be a fake, claiming it is only a costume stuffed with newspaper, so I had to continue my search. Much to my surprise, I found a clothing store for the modern, urban Yeti. It seems they have developed a taste for clever t-shirts.
I quickly realized that traveling by foot would be an inefficient use of time while on my search, so I grabbed a cup of coffee and rented a bike.
Before heading out of town, I knew I needed some gear for my hunt. Low and behold, I found out that the Yeti operates an outdoor gear shop. This explains a lot in his ability to stay un-found in the wilderness.
After getting my supplies, I found that someone/something had suspiciously popped the tires on my bike. I was back to searching on foot. I was determined to not let the cloak and dagger tactics derail me. After returning my bike, I headed to the Yeti bookshop to bone up on the newest Yeti authors and further my research into local folklore.
My day was winding down, and I needed to get some recent photos developed. Unfortunately, this photo lab messed up all my photos: they all came out blurry and out of focus, or only having footprints in them.
After a long day of research, I had worked up quite an appetite. So on the way home, I stopped at the Yeti Restaurant for dinner. A piece of advice: DO NOT order the Yeti burger. You don’t want to know what it’s made of.
Going home after a long day, the elusive Yeti had one more trick for me: luring me into paragliding with him. I have to say, it was pretty clever and I was quite tempted, but there is no way I would sail through the air strapped to a Yeti, even if he does have his pilot’s license.
The Yeti might have won this round, but don’t worry, my search won’t end until the beast is found! Or until my Nepal visa runs out…