Somewhere down below, it must be getting a little chilly because – look at this – there’s a new post here on Wandering Sasquatch! I’ve awoken from my semi-annual hibernation (yes, Sasquatches hibernate – that’s why no one sees them in the winter, duh), dusted off my fingertips, and ta-da, here I am.
Now, the 5 or so people who actually still visit this site after 6 months of neglect might be asking what the hell have I been up to for the past half-year? And didn’t you say you were going to have a baby – what happened with that?
Well, yes, I am going to have a baby. Well, technically, Kim is going to have a baby – I’m going to be trying my best to not faint/turn into a blubbery mess while Kim does all the hard work to bring a new life into the world. But I’ll get into all that soon…
So what’s been going on for the past 6 months? Well, the easy answer is that a lot has happened – too much to go back and update y’all on without causing all of you to fall asleep on your computer. But that’s the easy way out – a way that I’ve been taking a little too often recently.
So enough of the easy way out – here’s the real reason I’ve digitally disappeared myself for the past 6 months:
This all begins a long time ago in a land far, far away – Mexico in February, 2015. Back then, I was a handsome young man, and as such, I was putting the final touches on my latest project: Travel School. I had spent many months and thousands of hours getting Travel School in place and prepared for launch. I had completed the pilot course and decided to launch it to the public at large. After the launch happened, all that was left was to wait for the millions to start rolling in.
So, with all the pith and vigor of my youthful handsomeness, I launched Travel School.
Then….nothing happened. Nary a soul signed up during my launch promotion. Not one person even expressed interest in it – and it crushed me.
I had poured my heart, soul and everything I had learned over the past 5 years into this project, and it went over like a lead balloon. Actually, a lead balloon would have been an improvement on my launch because at least they can bounce. I did not bounce. I sat there squished on the ground – like dog poop on a sidewalk that everyone walks around, not wanting to be the first person to step into that mess.
I let myself feel sorry for myself. And, if I am being completely honest with you (and myself), it felt kinda good to be squished because there’s a part of me – not a part I am proud of, but a part of me nonetheless – that can revel in self-misery. I spent my last few weeks in Mexico doing, well, not much: I read some books, I avoided being online too much, and Kim and I binge-watched more TV shows than I care to admit. (Note: while watching 5 seasons of a show in a week can be fun, it is definitely not healthy).
I tried to fool myself into thinking that I was doing these things to help Kim work through the rough, early stages of pregnancy (look at me! I’m such a good husband because I pause the show while you vomit!). But the truth is that I was looking for any distraction I could find to avoid the reality of my project failing. I was doing my best to turn it from a “you have to work harder” situation into a shoulder-shrugging “what can I do about it?” situation.
In effect, what I did was to run away from the truth. I saw what my options were in front of me, and chose the option that let me shield myself from the reality of the situation. I let myself shirk the responsibility of facing the problem head on – and it has snowballed into six months of digital Siberia.
If every problem is a mountain, then the quickest way to get to the top of that mountain is to climb straight up it. It’s the hardest way, but it’s the shortest distance to your goal. Sure, you can create switchbacks or even a long, winding path around the mountain that slowly circles the mountain until you reach the top – but all you’ve done is create a long path that you now must walk.
I chose to create that long, circular path – partially in the hopes that someone would have built a gondola in the time it took me to circumnavigate the mountain. But I’ve grown dizzy on my roundabout path and have finally decided to say fuck the gradual path and am busting out my climbing gear to get to the top of this peak.
I know this whole “My Travel School project failed – boo hoo for me” might seem like a bunch of belly aching and, indeed, a part of this is. But there are things that knock all of us down from time to time. It might be not getting a job you really wanted, pulling a muscle when you are training for a marathon, or not being able to sell your house as quickly as you hoped. Whatever it is, it can feel like it beat you down, took your time, your money, and turned all your friends against you – so all you have left is your old pickup truck and dog. Or maybe I’ve been listening to too much old-school country music lately.
So, for better or worse, I’m back, and I’ve got 6 months of puns and bad jokes saved up and ready to unleash. So get your razor ready – the internet is about to get a whole lot hairier.